TO A DISTANT FATHER

Just as I had learned to live
With the no's of your ways,
With the "skirt-too-short-hair-too-full-eyes-too-dark"
Savage bleakness of your stare

When I finally figured out
That a freedom from hurt
At your hand, by your word or perhaps silence
Is to flush you from my mind

When I saw the drunken rage
Spent on me, spent on her
As a sign of defeat in a warrior
Who never tasted victory;

Then you left us, she now broken
And old and me, new,
New to life, new to soul, new to what's ahead,
New to know the grief of loss

Now I wonder if I were
Otherwise -- longer skirt,
Languid hair, gentler eyes that might see your pain --
Would you have stayed to watch me grow?